Gaining Perspective: Friendship

I lost a friend to cancer this week. A few weeks ago, I had told Sharon about my upcoming trip to my former home city and that I looked forward to visiting her. She responded that she had just learned she had liver cancer, stage 4. It was devastating news, yet I thought how fortunate that I had planned a visit in a few weeks. I’d be able to see her, talk with her, and inevitably, laugh with her. The diagnosis was less than a month ago, hardly time to get used to the idea that she was sick. Four days before my flight would take off for Austin, she passed away. My only consolation is that her family and pets were all with her at the end.

What has this got to do with living a minimalist life? Everything! The whole point of living with less is to make space for more. What does that mean? In Minimalism: Live a Meaningful Life, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus (aka The Minimalists) discuss five dimensions of a meaningful life: Health, Relationships, Passions, Growth, and Contribution. They consider relationships the most important of the five and I completely agree. We all go through hard times, but if we have people around us that care about us and support us, we can get through those tough times. Sharon was one of those friends for me and many others.

I met Sharon about six years ago. She and her husband Bob came to my house to meet me about selling it. I interviewed three realtors, and in the end, chose them. Sharon was so positive, joyous, and bubbly; it was hard not to hire her. We started the process of preparing my house to sell and looking at potential homes to buy. Two days before my house would go on the market, a fire broke out. I texted her that the house sale was postponed. During the five long months it took to rebuild the entire interior of my house, Sharon met with me to offer advice and comfort. We became solid friends from that time on.

While I didn’t label myself a minimalist back then, I was attracted to the ideas of downscaling and simple living. I wanted a smaller house, one less expensive than I could qualify for (according to the mortgage broker, who reminded me of this several times). Sharon understood my desire to scale back my cost of living and find a house suited to my needs. As I blogged about the house fire experience and later my life as a single empty nester, she supported me and praised my efforts.

Our friendship grew stronger over the years. The minute she heard about my cancer diagnosis, she was on the phone asking how she could help. I shouldn’t even think about having someone else pick me up from the hospital after surgery! She and her husband Bob would be there. After I moved halfway across the country, we continued to communicate. She was always cheerful and encouraging, saying how she would love to visit me and “the mouse” in Orlando.

We often get bogged down with the decluttering aspects of minimalism, forgetting its ultimate purpose—to live a more intentional, meaningful life. In the midst of the bags and boxes full of stuff we’re decluttering, we need to remember why we’re trying to live with less. What are we making time and space for? It’s for making space and time in our lives for friends like Sharon.