My journey towards a more minimalist life didn’t begin with a wake-up call. I’ve always been drawn to the idea of simplicity, and my goals were never very materialistic. Still, by the time we’ve reached mid-life, most of us have hit a few bumps in the road, and I’ve had my share. I’ve already written about one of those bumps—a house fire—and how that experience jolted me into a major downscaling of my household. Two years later, I hit another bump—a cancer diagnosis. Cancer—the “c” word that causes fear and trembling in almost everyone. I was diagnosed with endometrial aka uterine cancer. Suddenly my summer plans took a detour that included a hospital stay and six-week medical leave. Looking back over that period of my life, I see more clearly now some of the lessons and yes, silver linings, from this bump in the road.
Knowledge is power.
During the two weeks it took for my doctor to send me out for some tests (which I failed), I started to read up on possible diagnoses, including uterine cancer. Many cancers are treatable if caught early, especially if they are typically slow-growing cancers (which mine was). That’s probably why I didn’t freak out when I got the results of the biopsy (the other “b” word). I was a bit unnerved, I admit, but it was my friends who freaked out, not me. I had to calm some of them down, and I soon became their go-to person about symptoms and treatments.
Let it go.
I learned of my diagnosis by accident when my referring doctor emailed me to say she had heard about the cancer and wanted to wish me good luck for the surgery. Huh? Cancer? Surgery? The gynecologist who had done the biopsy hadn’t contacted me yet, so this is how I found out. Cancer, yes. Details, no. My referring doctor later apologized profusely that I had received the news this way. I could have gotten angry, perhaps even made trouble for her, because no one should hear a cancer diagnosis in an email from another doctor. However, I understood that her intention was good and she sincerely wanted to wish me the best of luck in my recovery. Pick your battles. Let it go.
It takes a village.
If you’re a single empty nester, one of the first thoughts about illness, surgery, or recovery might be, “Who will take care of me?” My daughter was at her out-of-state college and my son lived at his college co-op, though at least he was local. This is when the village, or community, needs to show up. Even we loner types need help! I was fortunate. My colleagues and friends were great. They signed up to visit and bring me meals for weeks. One friend called me up the moment she heard my diagnosis to announce that she and her husband would pick me up from the hospital. As for the surgery itself, my brother let me know that he was taking the day off and would stay with my son the whole time. That was a relief. My son was 22 and it would be a lot to handle on his own. I had considered asking his dad aka my ex to help, but when my brother stepped up, I was glad. I knew he would be an advocate for me if even the slightest thing looked wrong to him. He took my son to lunch while I was under the knife (well, laser, actually), and they were there to greet me when I woke up.
There are always silver linings.
Silver linings to cancer? Well, yes, I think you can find the silver lining to almost everything, especially if you have a well-developed sense of humor. Sure, I had to have major surgery, but I also got six weeks off from work! I piled up my unread books and added shows to my Netflix queue. I enjoyed my pets and they loved having me home more. I had time to talk with visiting friends almost every day. They also brought food, so I didn’t have to grocery shop or cook. Once I could ride in a car comfortably, they took me out. I received cards from friends far away, and I even had several deliveries of flowers (and one edible bouquet), which made this single person feel pretty darn special.
Time to reflect is important.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed with our jobs and families and homes and lives. It shouldn’t have to take a major illness to wake up and reflect on what is most important and where we want our lives to go. Take time just to think? What a luxury! In those weeks during my medical leave, I had more time than I’d had in a long while. Time to realize that some things in my life needed to change. I didn’t come up with the how, when, and where right away, but it was the beginning.
A bump in the road can be a jolt in another direction. I didn’t know it at the time, but my cancer experience started me down the road to some much needed changes in my life. I began to put myself first more often and to stop letting my job take over my life. I started to plan ahead for the empty-nester years when my kids, then in college, would be launched and living their own lives. I planned to stabilize my finances so that I could worry less about money and enjoy life more. I still don’t have it all figured out, but I know that at least I’m on the right road, bumps and all.
Knowledge is power.
Silver linings-Flowers
RESOURCES
After the Fire: Rebuilding House and Life after a Fire
For more resources, go to this page: Resources
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Thank you for this – I am sure it will be very helpful for others who have a serious illness and those caring for them
I hope it will help! It’s no fun to deal with serious illness, but it doesn’t have to be all negative!