Turn over a new leaf, begin a new chapter, make a fresh start—how often do we hear these phrases? I’ve used them myself (many times)—when I moved to new homes, switched jobs, changed my lifestyle, and more. The appeal of starting over applies to pretty much anything and everyone. Just plug “start over” into a search engine, and you can find hundreds of books as well as workshops, classes, and seminars with titles about starting over.
The desire to start over can come at any age, but I’d venture to say that mid-lifers are particularly attracted to the idea. It doesn’t need to be a mid-life crisis, which sounds rather extreme and sometimes desperate. We may be looking for big or small changes in one or many areas of our lives. By the time we’ve lived through several decades of growing up, going out into the world, finding (and/or losing) partners, working at one or more jobs, the desire to shake things up becomes stronger. And why not? Change can bring new energy and joy into our lives.
The problem is that we have unrealistic expectations. Dieting—we want the weight to come off in days and weeks, not months or years and often try drastic, unhealthy programs to lose fast. Dating—we want to fall in love at first sight or find a new partner quickly without the lengthy period of getting to know each other well. Decluttering—we want everything cleared out in one weekend. Some people go so far as to wish (half joking) for a catastrophe to wipe out everything and save them the tedious task of decluttering the mountain of unnecessary stuff in their homes. Why are we so attracted to the concept of starting over or its more extreme cousin, reinvention? Quite simply, we’ve made a mess of it—
messy homes,
messy finances,
messy relationships,
messy diets,
messy lives.
I don’t say this to be judgmental. Life is messy. It’s not the idealized version we see in the media or the hopeful one we create in our imagination. We are complicated beings and often stray from the script. I don’t say this to be pessimistic. It’s not that everything we do goes wrong or gets messy; in fact, we often get it right. Just not everything all the time. Nevertheless, I’m an optimist who believes that we can change and improve; in other words, we can start over. We can simplify our lifestyle, minimize our clutter, prioritize our time, and live a more meaningful, intentional life. Many have done so, but no one does it overnight. Having started over numerous times, I have a few suggestions to increase your odds of success.
- Start small: Add one more vegetable to a meal, declutter one drawer, do one yoga pose, eliminate one time-wasting habit. You get the idea. We want to dive right in, but chances are that you’ll soon be drowning. Just do one thing. Next week (or month), do two things. Once you succeed with the small stuff, you can move towards bigger stuff.
- Try mini start-overs: Every day is a new day (cliché, but true)! This is similar to starting small, but the focus is on time. Pick one way you hope to start fresh—exercise, a morning routine, limiting social media—and stick to it for one day. You may mess up on day 2, but you can try again another day. How often has someone said they would start a new diet or exercise routine, a shopping ban or simpler schedule, only to quit soon afterwards? Pick one day a week, then two, and build up your start-over muscles.
- Know yourself: If you are not a morning person, setting the alarm for an early hour probably won’t work for you in the long run. If you can’t resist buying stuff in certain stores, it’s better to avoid them than constantly test your will power. If you love clothes and fashion, don’t focus on decluttering your wardrobe, at least not in the beginning. Change is hard enough, but the more self-aware you are, the better you can work with your tendencies instead of fighting against them.
- Plan: You want to change careers? Declutter your entire house? Move to a smaller home in a more affordable area? Minimize your budget? These are big start-overs, so break them down into the smallest possible tasks and plan your how and when. Research the details! Otherwise, prepare to be overwhelmed and, most likely, give up.
- Be patient: Your home didn’t get cluttered in just one week, so don’t expect to declutter it in a weekend. It’s taken quite some time for your house, your weight, your fitness, your finances, and everything in your life to get to its current condition. Be realistic and give yourself a break. Take before photos or notes to remind you of your progress.
A few words of caution:
- You’re still you: You have years of habits, relationships, hang-ups, interests, and all the other aspects of life rolled up into who you are. You can still start a fresh chapter, but don’t forget you have previous chapters leading up to it. You may lose weight, declutter your home, or eliminate your debt, but “the old you” who ate less healthy, bought too much stuff, or overspent doesn’t magically change. Problems don’t disappear overnight. You have to work at the source of the problem or you’ll wind up right back where you started.
- You may need to start over your start-over: Even after carefully planning your start-over, it may not work out at first. You may have changed careers after careful research and preparation only to discover that your start-over job didn’t work out as planned. You may have given up a car in order to simplify and then realized that not having one (or that second one for a partner) made your life much harder. Reflect on the “whys” and then change the “hows.” Restart your start-over. Repeat as needed.
The good news is you can start over. I’ve done it several times over the last few decades, and I’ve learned a lot along the way. A few years ago, I got the idea to sell my house and move halfway across the country to a more affordable area. I could start over—wipe out my debt, get a car from this century, buy a house with a low, shorter mortgage, and even have a savings cushion!
I used several strategies to make this goal work: I researched the area very thoroughly, I analyzed my budget to decrease my cost of living and increase my savings, I discussed the “whys” with family and friends, and I created a timeline. I first had the idea at the end of May and it took a little over a year for me to put everything into motion. Honestly, it goes against my nature to be patient, so I was often frustrated, but I knew that for such a big start-over, I needed to plan carefully.
Smaller start-overs may need more time than planning. When I first began to declutter my home, only the obvious things went into the donation pile: duplicates, old stuff, broken items. The next layer came after lengthy reflections about what I needed at this time in my life as a single empty nester. Another layer came when I reconsidered the need to hold onto every single book, regardless of how long it had been since I last looked at it. My household is much more minimal than it was a few years ago, but I’m still not done. For me, making my home more minimalist is a slow-motion start-over.
I admit to being a big fan of making changes to keep life fresh and moving forward. It can be a major or minor start-over, whether it’s learning a new skill, beginning a new lifestyle routine or moving to a new place. Figure out the what, why, and how and get started. It’s never too late!
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
S. Lewis
The beginning is always today.
Mary Shelley
If only there were apps to make start-overs easy! (refrigerator magnet)
RESOURCES
Davidson, Jeff The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Reinventing Yourself
For resources, go to this page: Resources
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Loosing weight is always on the back of my mind too. We all know what to do but those temptations are always out there. I was happy to see on my last trip to New York that calorie counts were on all restaurant menus we visited. Even saw the cal count at Whole foods on baked goods. That certainly made me think twice about that vegan chocolate chip muffin of 690 calories. No thanks! Wish we had that here in restaurants.
I enjoy looking to the future and possible changes. Life would be boring if we never tried anything different,right?. As always, great post. Always happy to read them:)
A few restaurants in my area began to post the calorie count, and it was quite eye-opening! Thanks for reading and your kind words!