A little while ago, both of my adult children were faced with the challenge of finding new homes. The new home had to be very affordable because they don’t earn much yet. It had to be close to work and school because neither has a car. They would call me now and then to complain how difficult it all was. I’d listen, offer ideas, and my maternal guilt would kick in. If I had stayed in Austin, my son could live with me until he found a place. If I had moved closer to my daugher, I could assist her. If I earned more money, I could help them out. If . . . if . . . if . . . Then I remember—my kids aren’t children anymore. They’re in their mid-20s, smart, and resourceful. I don’t have to rescue them. I can listen and sympathize, but I can’t solve all their problems. Let them go!
People new to minimalism usually focus more on decluttering personal stuff and household possessions. This is especially challenging when it comes to sentimental items. Those who stick with it eventually realize that memories of good times and loved ones are separate from the physical objects. Getting rid of the items is not getting rid of the memories. They learn to let it go. Not the memories, but the objects representing them. Let them go!
Books are especially difficult to declutter for my fellow bookworms. They symbolize so much more than the words on the page. Books recall memories from childhood, represent goals of our fantasy self, and remind us of interests we no longer have but refuse to acknowledge. I’ve eliminated probably half of my library over the last several years, but it wasn’t easy. I didn’t declutter all at once. It was a long process of letting go. Would I ever reread that history book? Do I honestly need all those literary reference works? Am I going to use every cookbook I own? Slowly, but surely, I donated my precious books. They weren’t truly valuable to me anymore, so let someone else enjoy them. Let them go!
More challenging is examining the nontangible clutter in our lives—schedules, chores, and obligations. I’m a list maker, and before you know it, I have a long to-do list written up for the day, week, or month. The problem is that it’s rarely realistic. Then I get frustrated with myself and wonder why I didn’t get everything done. Instead of looking at what I did do, I’ll start to question myself. Why didn’t I schedule better? Why can’t I be more disciplined? I’m getting better at saying “no.” I’m learning to prioritize and narrow down the list to a manageable amount of tasks. The others? Let them go!
Finding a work-life balance is a constant challenge, one I’ve lost too often. In the last few years, work became a major stress factor despite my attempts to find solutions. Eventually, I made the difficult decision to resign. I know I made the right choice for my health—physical and emotional. Being between jobs is also stressful, but I try to stay calm and confident that I’ll find the right job for me. All the anxieties and what-ifs won’t help. Let them go!
Please don’t think that my call to let go of excessive possessions, overcrowded schedules, and stressful situations means that I consider it an easy task. None of it is easy! Those of us with adult children know how hard it can be to back off and let them live their lives. It’s not easy to distance our emotions from some of our possessions. Tackling our hectic obligations, both personal and professional, is often a struggle. Nevertheless, we need to try. We need to strive towards letting go. We’ve made it to mid-life now. We’re past the years of launching our lives as adults, finding our first jobs, and raising children. It’s ok to let go of everything that weighs us down. We deserve more calm and more peace. Just let it go!
They’re all grown up now!
How quickly time flies!
RESOURCES
Carver, Courtney Simple Ways to Be More with Less
Soulful Simplicity: How Living with Less Can Lead to So Much More
Susanka, Sarah The Not So Big Life: Making Room for What Really Matters
For more resources, go to this page: Resources
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Great article. I think your kids are grateful for what you did for them. They are complaining to you to have a sounding board. I am sure they are happy you are happy where you are. I can’t wait to see what my kids will be like as adults. I hope they will be able to stand on their own and find their own way.
Thanks! I think it’s always hard to let go, even when kids are adults. I’m grateful that they feel comfortable talking to me about lots of issues, including difficult ones. It’s sometimes hard to stand back and not over-advise them!
Yes, indeed. I could post similar photos of my boys little and the young men who now tower over me. They are 21 and 24 now and I have to remind myself that struggling a little when you are young is part of the process of growing up.
My current paring down at the moment is in paper (almost have that to a minimum) and then – gulp – digital clutter. It’s going to be a long process.